Only The Police Can Be Trusted With Guns

Bob and Jane: Designed for a Vault?

Before y'all let out a collective sigh of "here we go again", let's forget that I ever said anything about releasing Fault-OS on the Commodore 64, and just turn your attention over this way for a minute.

Microsoft Bob was the golden future that could have been. An aborted Windows interface from 1995, featuring a wholesome family room atmosphere and a canine companion, domesticated by the Australopithecus about 30 million years ago when he needed an animal friend to help him launch his spreadsheet application, back when the Neanderthal was dancing around a bonfire rubbing shit in his hair and making "oog" noises.

Another big plus is that while you're spending anywhere up to 20 years underground in a corrugated steel drum, waiting to repopulate the Earth with Bill Bixby characters, you're going to need some kind of an escapist fantasy of a real, life-like home environment. The Start Bar just ain't gonna accomplish that. Bob is less like a GUI in that respect, and more like a nice warm hug.

UPDATE : This baby runs on legacy hardware like a dream. Any 386 SX with north of 2MB of RAM should fit the bill. That ties in nicely with my peculiar goal to distribute Fault-OS on a 1.44MB diskette. Never mind the fact that virtually nothing supports a floppy disk drive - in the unlikely event that you can salvage one from a post apocalyptic pawn shop - my psychological fixation on obsolete removable media means you're pretty much screwed. 
I suffer from CDO. It's like OCD, except the letters are arranged in correct alphabetical order.

P.S. If you're not into any of that fancy schmancy PC paraphernalia, Jane was Bob's spiritual predecessor from 10 years prior. Back in '85, you could slap Jane onto a Commodore 64 or a 128, for those of us who like a bit of the real thing every now and then. Let's face it, our overall goal here is simplicity and cost effectiveness. Lowest common denominator stuff. 
But then of course before that, we had the Atari... Gimme a minute here..

Art Imitates Life

President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho (Terry Crews) is the new host of "Ow, My Balls!"

Remember, I Just Link To 'Em

Post-modern performance art. You couldn't make this shit up.

If anybody needs me, just bang on the hatch door with a brick.

I Hates Me An Obama, I Does

Bloody hell I'm angry. Look at some of the tee shirts that son of a bitch wears, right in plain view, in front of the cameras. That's some astonishing arrogance right there. It's like the president doesn't even care about keeping up appearances any more, now that he's not up for re-election. That's how blatant and in your face the new world order has become.

I move that we impeach this travesty of an asshole as soon as congress reconvenes.

Monophasic Sleep Is Bullshit For Australopithecines

It reduces our sex drive. It lowers our happiness index. It shoehorns us into a 9 to 5 lifestyle to which our merrymaking demeanour is not accustomed. 
It's all about conformity n' sheet. The man's always trying to put us into a box. It won't do.

A magical race of people, the scientific name for the Australopithecus means "pure sunshine", "he who likes to take things at his own pace", and "that man over there, your honour".
The most diabolical act of genocide that the Piltdown Man ever cooked up was the 40 hour working week. Having to get up and do stuff really cramps our style. It threatens our time-honoured cultural traditions.

Whilst our boring Neanderthal cousins haven't been able to get on top of this situation over the last 30,000 years, the cleverer 'pithecines like myself are all over this one.

We just snooze at work.

"Stop dozing off at the monitor! You almost got hundreds of passengers killed! I'm docking your annual leave!"
- the curse of the Department Head