Was John Titor's Time Machine available on eBay?

Can somebody help me track down this elusive artifact - it's not that I'm trying to warn the planet about an impending nuclear holocaust... My angle on this is that I'm after a ticket back to 1982. Reagan was president, Laundromats ran at a comfortable 65°C wash cycle, and an independant game developer like myself could really make a cosy existance out of a gaming market with good wholesome modest expectations.

I mean these days, releasing a 90% finished video game in 320x200 resolution that requires a 400 page manual to navigate past the menu screen doesn't quite engender the same awe and respect as it once did back in '82, when a man could earn a tidy living peddling the likes of such to young C64 owners and never be found wanting for lucrative contracts and amenable women.

Once, we were kings.

Koko the sign-language Gorilla tarnished by lesbian sex scandal

"Three women in California are suing the caretaker of Koko, a female gorilla who has learnt sign language, because they were asked to expose their breasts as a way of bonding with the gorilla.

The women allege they were helping to care for Koko when the gorilla, communicating in sign language with her keeper, Francine Patterson, repeatedly told them to remove clothing."

We're going to go out on a limb here at Fault-Co: I'm calling this one. I'm calling it bulldust.
Lay these three facts down:

* Koko the Gorilla scores 90+ on standardised IQ Tests. That's higher than a Tasmanian.
* With her celebrity status and keen intellect, Koko has no need to resort to such means.
* I'll be long gone & buried in the cold earth before anybody slanders this outstanding primate.

I say it's about time we all put a stop to this latter day phenomenom of frivolous lawsuits against our more fine, upstanding and accomplished citizens who are actually out there making a difference and putting a little hope into all our lives. We here at Fault-Co are right behind you, Koko - 100%.
I'll stay up on this one all night if I have to.